I was reading this list today called..(drumroll please!) The Poop Name List!! I found it hilarious, and I thought it deserved a mention. Here are some that I found particularly good.

The Sound Effect Dump – You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:

1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

(Well, I admit I’ve done the first tactic before! Did you know, that in Japan, I think, they actually sell this device, which emits some kind of waterfall sound everytime you press the button? It was designed specifically for this reason!)

The Whole Roll Dump – No matter how much you wipe, it doesn’t seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

(The main reason I found this funny was because once, a friend-who-shall-not-be-mentioned came to my house, and spent at least 20 minutes in my toilet, and I heard it flush 3 times! Said this person, “It just wouldn’t go down!”)

The Encore Dump – Ahhhh, you’re done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world’s record is seven encores.

( Who hasn’t experienced this before? Just so annoying…)

The Perfect Dump – Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it’s rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that’s not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

(I thought I should end on a high note!)

Well, if you are interested in reading more of this type of stuff, go to Poopnames.com!

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